The Top 5 Things You Can Learn During the First Year of Motherhood
December 17, 2021
Madison Wiggins
Madison is a lifestyle writer and mother of two boys: Eric and Jasper. Her journey to motherhood has inspired her to write about and share experiences to anyone who is willing to listen (or read). On her spare time, she likes to bake some cookies and tend to her indoor garden.
There are 35 million working mothers in the United States, and approximately 9.8 million are currently suffering from burnout, according to CNBC. The same report reveals that women are 28% more likely to experience burnout compared to men, which is more than likely attributed to the unequal standards demanded of working mothers.
Even if mothers aren’t employed full-time, the obligations they must fulfil, especially during the early stages of motherhood, can be extremely demanding physically, mentally, and emotionally. So, if you want to prepare yourself for what the experience entails, here are a few things you need to know.
1. Forget the motherhood misconceptions
New mothers might buy into the idea that caring for a child will come innately to them, or that the experience will be their penultimate achievement as women.
While many women might have a biologically programmed response to their children’s suffering, these feelings don’t equip us with the skills to actually handle our children’s needs. It is entirely possible that you won’t even feel affection for your child immediately. What To Expect highlights a few reasons behind the lack of parent-baby bond, such as a difficult delivery, postpartum depression, and separation at birth due to complications. However, this doesn’t mean you will never develop an attachment towards your baby — or that you’re a bad parent. Both your skills as a parent and your relationship with your child are things you develop with time and practice.
2. Set realistic expectations
Your baby isn’t going to fit perfectly into your old lifestyle. It’s the other way around – you need to adjust your lifestyle to suit your baby’s needs. And sometimes, even if you have spare time, the full-time job of raising a child might leave you with hardly any energy for other things. Rather than exhausting yourself, figure out which activities you might have to set aside to make time for your baby, and don’t beat yourself up when you find that you lack the strength to do the things you used to do.
3. There’s no shame in asking for help
Time spent managing your child’s needs is time you take away from your other responsibilities. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, especially from your partner. In fact, relationship expert Denise Knowles advises expecting couples to discuss the chores they might need to prioritize in their day-to-day lives, and how they’ll divide the work. Only volunteer for tasks you know you can handle, otherwise you may leave yourself with little energy to take care of your growing baby. Also consider approaching friends and family for temporary help. If you can afford it, you can also hire a cleaner to manage household chores for you.
4. You need to get real about money
A feature by Marcus on budgeting for a baby notes the importance of setting a realistic budget for your child’s needs, even before they are born. During the first year of your baby's life, you'll need to prepare for essentials, like diapers, baby gear, and childcare, which is considered one of the biggest expenses in early child-rearing. So make sure to weigh up your options, like asking your family members to watch your little one!
Plus, raising a child up to the age of 17 will more than likely cost most middle-income parents approximately $233,610. So if you haven't already done it, sit down with your partner and discuss how you plan to tackle the finances that come with raising your child.
5. Self-care is a crucial part of being a good mother
You cannot expect to provide for your child if you forget about your own physical, mental and emotional needs. If you try to do more than what your body is capable of, you increase your risk of fatigue, anxiety, depression, and even physical illnesses.
In The Possibility of Play, Camille De La Rosa recommends recharging by assigning a date where you can delegate responsibilities to someone else willing to help — such as a partner, friend, or relative — then taking time for self-care activities. During this time, you can meet or FaceTime with friends who can provide you with some moral support. You can also try relaxing hobbies, such as painting, doodling, or journaling. If it’s safe in your area, you can also embrace the healing power of nature and spend some time outside.
When it comes to motherhood, you don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be prepared. The experience will be more rewarding if you set realistic expectations for the difficulties it entails.